I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
