I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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