Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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