if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
