he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
