i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
