New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
