The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
