dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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