dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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