Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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