got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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