i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
