So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
