Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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