Define "chronic" masturbator.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
