im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
