I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
