Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
