The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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