Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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