I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
