Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
