yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
