drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
