I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
