shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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