4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
