Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
