she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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