who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
