Pregnant stripper...not hot.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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