i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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