how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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