I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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