did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
