Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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