we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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