you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
