I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
