the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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