Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
