I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
me + whiskey = a bad person
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
