Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
