So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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