would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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