Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
