everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
