doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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