I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
