Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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